


Decepticons really need to learn what Fiction means

by Anonmemeproject



Series: Transformers Anon Kink Meme - non sticky fills [8]
Category: Transformers Generation One
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:48:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22010566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anonmemeproject/pseuds/Anonmemeproject
Summary: By AnonymousPosted August 24 2009, 23:44:17 UTCLink https://tfanonkink.livejournal.com/1174.html?thread=593814#t593814
Series: Transformers Anon Kink Meme - non sticky fills [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1542844
Kudos: 14





	Decepticons really need to learn what Fiction means

A door slammed open, letting in the sounds of a raging argument between two men. 

"For God's sake, we can't make toys of Transformers, autobots or decepticons, without their permission! We'll be..."

"And I'm telling you, no one will ever mistake this toy line for the real thing! For one thing, who'd be stupid enough to actually believe it?"

\------

"SPIKE!" Spike Witwicky, saviour of the ark, anthropologist for the bizarre ways of the humans for the Autobots and all round good guy jumped. He whirled round to face his best friend, Bumblebee, who was running towards him carrying something in his hands. Reaching Spike, Bumblebee burst out into the one question Spike had never wanted him to ask, along with the dreaded manga that Spike was slowly beginning to recognize. Personally, this had creeped out most of America, but oddly enough seemed to be entertaining Japan. 

Spike never intended to go there ever again.

"Spike, what's Kiss Players?" Spike closed his eyes in despair, sucked in a breath and gave his prepared answer. Bumblebee just looked blank, and Spike realised he was going to have to explain a lot more than 'that's a weird comic that no one should ever read. Just humans being weird again.'

(half an hour of explanations later...)

"But that's still just goes against all the laws of physics Spike! I mean, who would be thick enough to actually believe that young people could actually boost a transformers strength?" Spike laughed of his friends question, wondering were his sense of unease was coming from. Bumblebee was telling him something about a game starting though, and he quickly forgot about his unease.

\---------

At the decepticon base, business was as normal. Megatron screaming at Starscream for something then getting angry when he didn't reply. 

"I HAVE FOUND THE ANSWER TO ALL OUR PROBLEMS! STARSCREAM! STAAAAAAAAAARRRRRSCREAM!" The second in command glared at his commanding officer. Oh if only he could find some type of power source which was as of yet unknown and untapped and get out from under the thumb of that hideous wretch otherwise known as Megatron. He sighed and stood to join Megatron where he stood staring at a computer screen. 

"This," here Megatron gave a sweeping guesture towards the computer screen, "is the answer to the Autobots' power here on earth. While on Cybertron, we decepticons ruled both sky and ground, and defeated the Autobots at all turns. Now we have arrived on this planet, and the autobots are treating us as though we are a joke! Well, thanks to this... manga I have found their power source." 

Starscream narrowed his eyes as he read through the explanation of the plot. Inconceivable and impossible, and yet... the autobots were winning... ah! there was the point at which Megatron failed! He, Starscream, would be ruler of the Decepticons yet!

"Megatron you fool, these children in this manga of yours are not the Autobots pets! There is no way that..."

"Ever hear of the human custom of 'protective custody' you fool? The Autobots obviously put out these manga to fool us and make us blind to reality so they could use their own humans to make themselves stronger. These stories are obvious fabrications to protect the identities of the Autobot pets. For instance, I cannot see why only young females would have the power. The young males must also have this ability." Megatron smiled. It was not a nice sight and Starscream shivered in disgust. How could Megatron even think such a ludicrous idea was beyond him - 

Wait a breem.

The Dancitron. Tracks had been at his mercy. Tracks's brunette pet had shown himself. Tracks suddenly freed himself. Soundwave was defeated by Blaster who had been with the boy. Tracks had then, with the boy inside him no less, had outflown him. Megatron had actually done well for once.

After that, the word passed quickly through the decepticon ranks. It was suspected that Spike Wicky, or whatever, Carly whats-her-name, Raoul something-or-other, Chip Case, and Astoria twoddle were giving the Autobots power through Kisses (it had not been explained how. Even Starscream couldn't work it out.) Megatron stood tall, Starscream a respectful few steps behind him, as he looked down at his troops. 

"Today Decepticons, we will go and take the source of the autobots' powers, their adolescent humans, from our hated enemies. I personally will take Optimus Primes personal human Spike... Wiwacky and you, my Decepticons, shall have your pick!" A cheer went up from the decepticons, convinced that this was truth. All were completely ignoring the fact that it was not only stupid, but completely unlikely. 

Megatron turned to Starscream. "Lets go. I want to study our only source of information more."

Deeply disturbed, Mirage slipped out invisible to all.

Spike sighed as he walked along the road, waiting patiently for Jazz to come pick him up. Due to Decepticon silence for the past week, the autobots had been relaxing and this resulted in more trips to the city. Jazz had gone to pick up his tickets to a rock'n'roll show, and Spike was left to wander through this road leading to his dad's garage with strict instructions not to leave. 

Reaching the end of the road, Spike leant against a wall to wait, already hearing the powerful engine of a sports car. Spike frowned as he realised from the tone of the engine that it was no sports car, but rather a racing car, Mirage to be precise. It was probably nothing though, as Mirage was under Jazz's direct command. It was likely Mirage was just covering for Jazz. However, the speed at which the spy approached dashed that thought, and Spike started to worry. 

Mirage spun to a stop and his passenger door opened with a snap. "Get in!" Spike leapt in, the door slammed shut and Mirage peeled off, as fast as he could. Already he could scan several decepticons moving in, while Jazz was chased by others in hopes that he had Spike. Beginning to feel slightly better, and glad of the diversion Jazz had quickly thought up on realising how many decepticons were moving in, Mirage started listening to Spike again. 

"What's up Mirage? I mean, we're moving faster than the speed limit, and I know you only do that in an emergency." Spike stopped as a nasty thought occurred, one which churned his stomach, "the decepticons haven't hurt anyone have they? Bumblebee?" Spike prayed Bumblebee was not hurt. He bit his thumb nervously. 

"Spike, don't worry. The Decepticons have no plans on hurting anyone, but there is a quite disturbing development involving you and some others." Mirage paused, wondering how best to explain. "Well, you, Carly, Chip, Roaul, and Astoria at any rate." Mirage really did not want to go any further in, and was tempted to leave this to the one who actually should be thinking up a solution to this, but knew that if he let Prowl explain Prowl's logic chips would crash again. "You remember that Kiss players thing? Well it seems the Decepticons kind of thought... well I'm not sure they were thinking... actually it would seem that..."

"Mirage!" Spike had never seen the spy quite so flustered. "Please, tell me whats wrong. And don't try to cheat by using cybertronian, I know that language by now." Spike really hoped that his feeling regarding the whole kiss players thing was wrong. The unease from a week ago slammed back into his gut, and he almost felt short of breath. Mirage chewed over what he was going to say a little bit longer, but then blurted it out in a most un-Mirage like way. 

"Well, it would seem that thedecepticonsbelievedthekissplayersmangaandnowaretryingtogetyouandtheotherteenssoyoucankissthemandmakethemmorepowerful.Ohandmegatronkindofwantsyou." It took a fair few moments for Spike to work his way through that, and had to ask for a repetition from the embarrassed autobot, but once he did he almost screamed. 

He was so going to find the designer of kiss players and kick him where it hurt. Repeatedly and on purpose. Calming down he thought of something, and resolved to let the others help him. After all, Raoul wore steel-capped boots. Most people hobbled away from arguments with him. Spike was also quite sure that Optimus and a few others would like a word with that bastard. Spike was almost tempted to google the information right then.

However, it took all his effort not to scream for real as they rounded the corner and nearly ran into the stunticons. 

Mirage screeched in a one-hundred-and-eighty-degree turn, and fled. Unfortunately, apon seeing Mirage's passenger, the stunticons gave chase with whoops of glee. Spike ran his hands over his face and breathed in and out slowly, trying to count to ten before he did something inappropriate. Like swearing his head of in at least three different languages from two different galaxies. 

Gradually, despite the insane driving to counteract the insane driving from the stunticons, Spike regained calm and started breathing normally again. It helped that he had been in situations a bit like this before, but at least before decepticons had been trying to kill him, not date him or whatever they actually wanted to do. 

"Nobody can be having a worse day than mine," muttered Spike. 

("Lemme get this straight ya big scary machine con. Ya want me ta kiss you on the mouth," said Raoul conversationally, from his position of being held in a decepticon hand. He vaguely recognized the con from Track's description of him, apparently something like Astro or something. His big grey and purple form loomed over the small human. 

Raoul had been minding his own business hunting down Rocksteady and Poplock for another fun round of street dancing, when Astro...boy dropped out of the sky and transformed so he was kneeling in front of Raoul. Before the human could react, he had been snatched up and held tightly, very close to the decepticon's face. Raoul had prepared himself to die, but then Astro boy had made his demand. 

Raoul's surprise at the demand from the Con was so great that his question's tone was more along the line of someone asking for the salt over the dinner table. At Astroboy's nod he groaned inwardly. Why the hell had he saved Tracks and thus got embroiled in all of this in the first place? He cursed himself once more for being such a sucker for a shiny car. 

Luckily for Raoul, this was the point that Tracks threw himself at Astrotrain, jarring the decepticon badly enough to drop Raoul. Tracks quickly caught his friend, and ran like hell, transforming as he put Raoul inside himself. Raoul practically hugged the steering wheel he was so happy to see Tracks. Behind them Astroboy transformed and gave chase, but they were soon lost in the traffic.)

Spike leant forward and examined the rear view mirror. By virtue of going invisable, they appeared to have lost the stunticons who had clearly not been happy about it. Their curses had followed the pair for quite a way, and Spike had learned some new insults, which he was privately considering using on someone like Sideswipe.

Spike leant back and gave Mirage's dashboard a long look, noticing idly in passing that they were leaving the city and would be back at the arc, his home since the rig had been destroyed, soon. He debated with himself wether to ask the spy how he missed the stunticons, but decided that would be unfair as Mirage did get him out of the situation, and rather well at that. 

Almost jumping as he heard jet engines, he relaxed as he saw Powerglide shoot past overhead as Mirage explained that Powerglide was escorting Astoria back to the Arc. The young CEO was in danger, and it had been decided to send the autobot she was most familar with. Deciding to call in Powerglide to see how he was, Mirage selected an open frequency so Spike could hear what was going on. 

"Dah-lang! I knew you loved me!"

"Listen you little irritant, I only saved you because of orders!"

"Oh don't be silly, you keep saving me! It can't all be because of orders."

"YES IT CAN!"

"Dah-lang, do you think we should have 4 or 5 children?"

"Chil- Astoria, you and I are incompatible. As in that won't ever work. WE CAN'T MAKE KIDS!"

"Oh, so we can have sex then-" Mirage hastily turned off his radio off as Spike stared at it wide eyed. Silence reigned as Spike awkwardly fidgeted in the wake of Powerglide's and Astoria's 'conversation.' 

"Mirage?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you for saving me, but never let me listen to anything like that again."

"Only if you'll do the same for me." They arrived back at the arc to find Chip and Carly waiting for them with the science team.


End file.
